Conversations I am having…
My four-year-old son Baaj is having Earth Week at his school. The children are learning about water preservation strategies, picking up garbage outside, watering plants, and planting seeds. On a recent drive to school, I pointed at a 30-metre-high evergreen tree and asked him,
‘How long do you think it will take the seed you planted yesterday to grow into that big tree?’
After giving it some thought, Baaj responded,
‘By Monday, Dadda’
After chuckling for a few moments, I reflected on how quickly we all want things to get done. I am guilty of this myself. When I approach a counter and order some food, I may see 3-4 employees talking and nobody acknowledging or serving me. Some part of this impatience comes from the fact that I was behind a similar counter for 18 years counselling clients on their medication-related questions. I always tried to instill the importance of acknowledging people as soon as they approached. The point is our degree of impatience. Being in the moment allows us to accept whatever is happening. During these moments of acceptance, expectations are let go, and disappointments are released.
What I have been thinking about.
Reflecting on my life, I have started to document some inherent truths about feeling fulfilled. Here are some of my life’s truths.
1. You get more out of life when you invest in experiences instead of things.
At the end of our life, all we have are the memories from our experiences. During our lifetime, we are bombarded with things to buy. These things provide short bursts of instant gratification. Dr. Gilovich, an esteemed Philosophy professor at Cornell University, has done extensive research on the utility of life experiences vs. material purchases. You can read his study HERE.
2. We are most fulfilled when we are taking action.
Passivity leads to unhappiness. We feel more fulfilled when we are moving towards a goal (regardless of whether we succeed or not). This often leads to positive momentum which shows up in other areas of our life. Chances are if you start exercising, you will also start eating better. If you are challenged with motivating yourself to take action, you may need to reassess the direction you are travelling. Quite often, a shift towards activities that are in alignment with your core values is what you need. It is more about alignment than it is motivation. This can be a subtle, yet powerful shift.
Quote I’m pondering.
He who blames others has a long way on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway here. He who blames no one has arrived
– Chinese Proverb
Playing the blame game is the easy way out. Blaming others voids any personal responsibility and is a cowardly way of dealing with conflict. The truth of the matter is that we all have a role to play in a situation. If our child is misbehaving at a birthday party, do we blame them or do we look at how we may parent differently to impact their behaviour? If we get into a car accident do we blame the other driver without acknowledging how our distraction may have contributed to the incident?
Realizing that no one is to blame is the key. Things are simply happening. The moment our focus shifts from what has happened to what can be learned, we have arrived. Where have we arrived? The present moment where there is nothing to chase. By asking ourselves the question, “What can I learn from this?” we simplify the situation by focusing on solving the problem. This shift has many benefits including conserving energy and renewing our mental bandwidth to deal with the next challenging situation that is waiting to appear.
Action Items
Catch yourself the next time you notice your innate impatience. Stop, and intently look at the palm of your hand for 5-7 seconds looking for something unique that you have never previously noticed. This is a simple, yet effective tool that puts you squarely into the present moment.
Consider how you can hold off on your next material purchase and replace it with a purchase of experience. This creates memory dividends each time you recall that new experience you have created.
Share the above quote with your partner or a friend you spend a lot of time with. Create some accountability by calling each other out the next time blame is directed at the other person. If the time comes when you are being called out, accept the feedback constructively.