Self-awareness and Speaking Up.

How Judgement clouds growth.

Last week, I led a talk on self-awareness to a group of high school students. I found it challenging to get them to open up and share their thoughts and experiences. Many sheepishly grinned or looked away when I asked them about their reflections on a topic. I remember feeling that same fear of judgment when I was their age. I had no problems putting up my hand and answering questions related to facts my teacher would ask. These were regurgitated from previous lessons and I had a high degree of certainty that I was answering correctly. This fed my ego so I could be labelled as ‘smart’ by my peers. However, if we were asked to reflect on a situation or provide some personal experiences regarding a topic, I would be filled with fear. By sharing what I was thinking I was opening myself up to judgment.

Judgment is a powerful force that can freeze us in our tracks, preventing us from putting ourselves out there and being vulnerable. The slightest possibility of being laughed at or put down can feel terrifying. Although this fear peaks in high school because of circulating hormones and the desire to feel accepted by peers, it follows us through adulthood.

As I have aged, I have cared a little less about what others think. The ‘pleaser’ tendency in me is still there, but it has been shrunk to the point where I will do things without having to think how they will be received by others. Of all the growth over the years, this has been one of the most powerful points. Upon reflection, I realized I could speak up and be vulnerable all along. I just needed to quiet the internal voices that were holding me back from doing what I wanted. There are structured ways to do this, but the most effective is to put yourself out there and see what happens. People may talk about something you did for a day or two, but after that, they get immersed in their own lives and forget about you. As British actor Tom Holland put it, 'If you have a problem with me, text or call me. If you don't have my number, you probably don't know me well enough to have a problem with me.' This speaks to the realization that much of the judgment we fear often only exists in our minds.

The first part of your personal growth is to become aware of your judgment. When you can acknowledge it, label it in the moment it takes away its power. A few times of breaking through this imaginary barrier will help you realize it only existed in your mind. And because it is in your mind, it is in your control to dismantle it.

This fear of judgment doesn't just hold us back from speaking up. It can also steal our presence and productivity. When we're worried about what others will think, we often procrastinate on important tasks, creating a cycle of guilt and unfinished work.

How Procrastination Steals Presence—and How to Take It Back

Procrastination often feels like a battle with time, but it’s a battle with ourselves. Recently, I worked with a client who struggled to balance work and family life. They felt torn—always thinking about unfinished tasks during family time and feeling guilty about neglecting loved ones. The solution? Redefining productivity as a tool for presence and well-being. Here, I define well-being as a state of joyful presence.

We explored how procrastination isn’t just delaying work—it’s delaying peace of mind. My client discovered that by focusing on meaningful projects during the day, they could release the tension and “monkey mind” that lingered into the evening. For example, dedicating focused time to outreach and client calls created a sense of accomplishment that made it easier to put the phone away later. One breakthrough moment came after a productive early morning when they spent a phone-free afternoon with their child. The client’s OURA ring notified them they were in a pronounced state of calm experiencing less stress, and a decreased heart rate and prompted them to add a tag for what they were doing differently. At this point, they realized that by being fully present, they experienced deeper connection and reduced stress—a positive outcome for both work and family.

Here’s the twist: I was that client. I came to this realization through a reflection exercise. I learned that working hard during the day isn’t just about productivity—it’s about creating space for presence with loved ones. When we align our work with our values, we can end the day fulfilled, not frazzled, and give our best selves to those who matter most.

ACTION ITEMS

1. Aim to find 4-5 people in your network to get unfiltered feedback from. Consider a family member, a childhood friend, a close current friend, a colleague at work, your partner and one of your parents. Permit them to give you honest feedback that you will take constructively by asking them these questions.

• How do I communicate?

• What do you think my core values are?

• What do you think I do very well?

• What is one thing that you think I could improve on?

2. Consider what you need to get done today to leave your phone by the door and be fully present with your loved ones at home. Understanding this one thing is inspiring you to complete it so you can be mentally free to interact with family.

3. If you are free this Friday, join others on the path towards self-actualization by spending your evening going deeper. Looking forward to your presence.

3 spots are still open - Register today.

Manjit Hansra is the founder of Rx for Renewal. Through keynote speaking, 1:1 coaching, corporate workshops and curated retreats, I share evidence-based tools to help professionals prevent and manage burnout. Check my offerings HERE and book a complimentary call to improve your mental fitness HERE.