This is part 2, in our 3 part reflection on the recently held Rx for Renewal Retreat. In today’s newsletter, we will discuss Connection.
The longest longitudinal study on happiness found warm relatonships throughout life have the greatest positive impact on life satisfaction. So how can we be more connected to others?
One way is to understand that people respond to a situation based on the sum of their experiences up to that moment. This is critical because it helps us understand why someone reacts the way they do. Just because you may not act similarly, does not mean they are wrong. It all comes down to understanding. When we have a better understanding, we can empathize and connect with others deeper.
Another way is by using the tool developed by psychologist Arthur Aron. Arthur Aron set out to find out how two people could become closer. He found that maintaining eye contact and stepping into some level of vulnerability and authenticity to complete a set of 36 questions was effective. He conducted this experiment between strangers and his results showed that individuals felt closer to these strangers than to the majority of the people in their life including close contacts like first-degree relatives. For those of you who attended the retreat, this serves as a friendly reminder to do these questions with your partner, parents, siblings, or someone else you want to develop a deeper relationship with.
In ‘The Mountain is You’, Brianna Wiest describes how self-sabotage is one of the main issues that prevent people from living fulfilled lives. She explains that most issues preventing us from connecting with others stem from distractions from the real problem. Most often, the real problem is that we are often not in the present moment, as we are here and now.
Sometimes we have blocks that prevent us from engaging with someone because of hurt or wrongdoing. This is where a META love and kindness meditation can help. The first thing we need to do is overcome this block in order to become comfortable speaking with them. When done repeatedly, this meditation shifts us to be more open to conversation.
The truth is that you will change the quality of your relationships when you show up exactly as you are. When you treat strangers the same as your CEO.
Work on building a circle of people who support and inspire you, with similar goals, and enjoy spending time with you. After interacting with friends, you should feel energized and inspired, not exhausted and constantly complaining.
When having conversations with people, try to be more descriptive with the words you choose. There are many emotional charts and wheels that can help you name your feelings. This can make communication between you and another person easier and lead to better understanding. You have to first understand how someone feels before you can find solutions to help the relationship thrive.
We also have to talk about connecting with ourselves. This is equally, if not more critical than communicating with others. As a tool to connect with yourself, I am offering complimentary Somatic Breathwork Journeys on the last Thursday of each month. The next one will be held virtually on Thursday, June 29th at 8:30 pm EST. If you are interested in attending, click here.
“I cared about them. I wanted them to feel better, to live better lives. And then it occurred to me - I cared about myself. I wanted me to live a better life, too. Caring about myself was allowing me to care about others.”
- Cate Tiernan
Action Items
Print the emotions list chart. When journaling or reflecting on a particular situation, try to use a more descriptive word to label your feelings.
Do a meta-love and kindness meditation. Click here.
Do the 36 questions by Arthur Aron with someone you want to get closer to. Click here.
Sign up for the free Somatic Breathwork Journey I’ll hold on June 29th to take a practical step towards connecting with yourself.