The Book I’m Reading…
My February book is Non-Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. This is a classic for anyone who communicates. It details how to communicate effectively in conflict and everyday situations. The book does a fantastic job of providing examples of various situations including personal relationships, work relationships and everything. Rosenberg shares how tension can be dissipated by hearing what is being said. There are often feelings and needs that go unheard and manifest as attacks. Using your breath to stay calm and regulated during these times is paramount in replying with empathy. Empathy requires presence. Rosenberg explains that you cannot be sympathetic and empathetic at the same time. When you are sympathetic you are putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, but empathy involves simply hearing what they are saying and being present with their feelings. This was an eye-opening learning because I have been guilty of confusing the two terms.
The app I’m playing with…
Ever read a post, an article or seen a YouTube video that you wanted to reference later but when the time comes you can’t locate it? Sure you could email it to yourself, add it to your notes (generally works well) or save it as ‘watch later’ in your Youtube account, but how often do you get to it? Rather than having these things segmented into different areas of your digital life, the Collect app keeps it all in one place. You can create different boards and use them for video files, URLs or email attachments. It serves as a one-stop shop for all things worth revisiting. I am a consummate learner always reading and looking up things. I can become frustrated with trying to find something I read somewhere… This solves this problem for me and has become a go-to tool. Another similar app is Pocket which allows you to keep articles you come across while on your phone. Pocket also has this readable feature where the App can read the article for you. It's useful for catching up on reading while working out or driving. The voice isn’t the best but let's stay in a state of gratitude.
Quote I’m thinking about…
The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you, the better you will hear what is happening outside.
- Dag Hammarskjold, Former UN Secretary General
Faithfully listening to the voices around you requires practice. With so much noise and distractions in this day and age, it is challenging to block it out and listen to yourself. Breathwork, mindfulness, meditation or just being alone with your thoughts are useful tools for this practice. Listening to the voice within you brings you into presence. It has the impact of slowing down the world. It brings less reaction and more observation. This allows us just a few moments to be with 'what is' rather than automatically trying to fix it. Now, when you can hear what is happening outside this allows you to feel and hear the needs that another person may be sharing even though it may come with some anger, choice words or disdain towards you. When someone speaks with a depleting emotion (anger, frustration), there is generally an unmet need that requires attention. Once you uncover this, you can respond with empathy and meet the person where they need to be met. This often makes for a better outcome.
This Week’s Breathwork Tip
It is a common misunderstanding that more air means more oxygen. In his book, Breath, James Nestor discusses how we are a society of overbreathers. Chronic hyperventilation is a dysfunctional breathing pattern. Chronic hyperventilation is breathing more than the metabolic needs of the body. By breathing in more air than our body needs, blood levels of carbon dioxide drop below normal. This leads to unfavourable conditions for the body. In the 1950’s, Dr. Konstantin Buteyko showed a small increase in CO2 levels through controlled breathing resulting in improved oxygenation, relaxing of the central nervous system and an increase in nitric oxide production (resulting in airway relaxation and decreased spasms). Watch an instructional video about his technique here.
The secret of functional breathing is NOT taking deep breaths, it is slowing down your breathing.
Action Items
When you are upset or troubled by something and need to communicate with someone - do not start the sentence with ‘You did this….’ or make a generalization like ‘You are so lazy…’ Although these may seem obvious, when you are dysregulated you say the darnest things. Try to start the conversation with the template, ‘I feel _____ when ______’. The other person can relate to or empathize with your feelings far more easily than they can when they are being attacked and have to defend themselves.
Download the Collect by WeTransfer and find those articles easier and faster!
Practice breath awareness by actively slowing down your breath. Deep breaths are fine when you are breathing fast, but slower breaths are far more effective as a baseline breathing pattern.
We still have a few spots for the upcoming Rx for Renewal Winter Retreat happening on Sunday, February 25th. Check out the event page and register here.